Parenthood

                                                                            

Trust in yourself

 

It's a pure gift to have four children to observe and listen to. They were my gurus in the nursery...and they have transformed into gods & goddesses of human & spiritual wisdom. They are driven in their actions by emotion & what 'feels good'. The very thing so called grown-ups are thrashing about trying to recover in themselves. From my heart, I believe, parenting is not a 'role' to be played, it is something we 'are' by being our authentic selves... those creative, playful, giggling and free souls ...who just want to give love, to BE loving towards self...and nothing else. There is a difference between a grown-up parent and adult parent. The adult parent also lives by what feels good...abandoning 'appropriate' to the trash, knowing appropriate cannot live in the same world as authentic. The adult parent knows their children do not need endless, gap filling 'stuff', relentless tables of food, or a rigid daily schedule of activities. They know their child desires, in that 'gap', their authenticity...their willing energy, their condition-less love, their emotional honesty....and vulnerability. When an adult parent makes mistakes...they don't hide them by hanging them on the back of someone else....they own them. This looks like true beauty to a child...as they learn there's no shame in getting it wrong sometimes.... seeing we always remain lovable and valuable. A child will love you for your failings as much as your achievements ...provided we own them.
The adult parent embraces the thoughts, opinions and needs of everyone in the room....no matter how young those people may be. They know growing older does not bring with it a right to dominate, manipulate, re-mould or suppress another humans heart, thoughts or feelings.....as no human ever owns another life. The adult parent doesn't 'need' their children...they 'want' their beautiful company, but only if the child gives it willingly. Parenting comes with no costume, no props, no script, no stage .... because you already know how to be 'you'.....and 'you' cannot be taught to you by other parents who have gone before. The adult parent plays with their child in the sand with one hand...and pays the bills with the other. With no grand demonstrations suggesting practicality is more important than play. Giving is easy and requires no 'expected' medal.
The choice each man & woman makes, with regards to 'adult' or 'grown-up' .....can mean the difference between a child running to you with open arms...or running away from you. Even if they're physically planted by your side.
I pray I am authentic to my children...for they deserve nothing less of me. I know the moment I loose sight of myself...I loose sight of them....and the emotional demonstrations will begin. In all their colourful and explosive glory! I have made the mistake of being 'grown-up'....and my children don't care for it at all. What a blessing they're happy and secure enough to tell me freely....and quite frankly, when I'm being an arse! For when I've played grown-up....I have merely been demonstrating being 'seen' to play the role of parent well, to other grown-up observers. Revealing a need in me to gain approval, and thus, a lack of self worth. Trusting wholeheartedly in 'Kerry' being more than enough...exactly as she is......offers the gift of trust to my children to also know what they desire in their lives, that they are far more than good enough, exactly as they are.....and are free to make choices for themselves which please them. Without being forced to play the role of 'model child, student, brother or sister'. I must guide my children to knowing they are allowed to guide themselves into a life long experience of 'living' which feels good to THEM, rather than a life that just feels good to me! .....and that is it. No more, no less. 

"God bless the child. For they are God. Bringing a brief and enchanted opportunity to recover God within the grown self."
God IS the wonder we call Love. Love IS this wonder we call God -for they are one and the same thing .. ...exquisitely encapsulating the gift and pure beauty to be found in the love of being alive. 

The Grand Illusion ....a quick note ....

Wouldn't it be great to wake up whilst on this

Earth, from the shire illusion we're 

conditioned to believe, as our own truth, of 

this IS reality. 

Leaving us feeling 'We're nothing special'.

When we die, we know instantly who we 

REALLY are........ and the power we've 

possessed all along! Blow your own mind 

and make the effort to search for 'YOU' now.  

Namaste xx

What's hiding in the shadows?

Everything about 'us' as living beings 

...has a duel aspect. 

In fact, everything we see around us possesses duality,

having a contrasting part of itself. 

If you condemn yourself for fear,

then you condemn yourself for love also.

 For they are one and the same thing, their own contrast.

We cannot have one without the other.

 We cannot know what love 'is' without knowing fear. 

We cannot know sweet without knowing sour,

 or anger without knowing joy, masculine without knowing feminine.

 We embody all of this contrast....

so we must embrace it all, to have full acceptance of self ..... 

it's there for a reason!

To know self, and thus, to know all that is.... we have

to know how to LOVE our negative aspect.

All the time we dismiss our anger, vulnerability, sadness, anxiety and pain,

we only succeed in dismissing, or disguising, a valuable part of ourselves. 

It is this part of self which offers (relentlessly sometimes) our opportunity to

really know self and love self. 

It is within this aspect, we find peace, truth and wisdom.

This is what is meant by someone who is truly 'Soul Searching'.

They are courageous enough to search that part of self deemed UGLY by society. They want to see all parts of self and finally understand WHY they are the way they are. Why they feel a certain way about certain things. Why they fear the things they fear and why they think the way they think.

By finding the root of personal fear, we find a new way to think!

Any fool can design an appealing SHOP FRONT to their personality. One that fits all the boxes of what it apparently IS to be a normal, well rounded, emotionally stable, successful human being.........then bury all the rest (the true person) in boxes out the back!

There's only one problem with doing this..... your real self won't stay buried in those damn boxes!   It's like trying to contain an army of ants in a bowl. These 'ants' reveal themselves usually as disease in the body. It can take years and then suddenly POW! We wake up one day at the doctors office wondering what happened? 

The answer to that is buried emotion, which slowly transforms itself into physical cell degeneration ....in order to release the pressure.

  

We need to be prepared to look at the truth

to find our real beauty!

If I shout, I know there's buried pain.

If I cry, I know there's buried pain.

If I panic, I know there's buried pain.

If I want to run away, I know there's buried pain.

If I age quickly, I know there's buried pain.

If I'm ill, I know there's buried pain......

If there's buried pain, I don't approve of me.

If I don't approve of me, I don't love me.

If I don't love me, then I am only existing ....

........with a need to please everyone BUT me!  

Anger, tears, fear illness and pain are gifts....

from us .... to us! 

These gifts invite you to search, to find out who you really are...away from the 'shop front' mentality. To stop being frightened of buried pain, but to begin loving it. 

Everything that causes pain, can also bring love. Quit apologising for your emotions. Apologise for the noise that goes with anger and not what makes you angry. Don't ask someone else to change, change yourself...... by being real about who you are.

Anger helps us notice what we don't like... and thus, move us to find out exactly why we don't like it. Question what happened! Take time to figure it out for yourself by working backwards to the first time you ever felt that way about similar situations. If your answer is 'he/she did it to me' 

you've not searched back far enough!!!! 

We cannot live a full, happy, healthy life if we spend most of our time hiding from who we are.

Take up your space...stand proud.....find your voice

No human being is more valuable than another.

Learning to love ALL of you...anger, joy, misery, laughter, failings, successes, etc puts you in a space where you don't have to hide. No stress. No illness. No fear. Loving self and ALL your aspects and dualities, is freedom and power. Inner power.Which will change all your thoughts and actions into ones which will serve your own purpose and personal fulfilment.

From this, our outer world changes to fit our true identity.

To love self, without restriction, leads us to love all that simply IS.... unconditionally, without restriction. And when that happens........the world really is your oyster!

 Wishing you a wonderful day, Kerry Lucienne x

Thank God for Helen!

Observe, Question, Decide your own truth

From the moment we are born, we are gradually invited to let go of independent thought. We are asked to think more of the world outside, than of the world within self. We are taught to read, listen, observe and accept the knowledge of our elders, as 'truth' of our own personal reality. Some wisdom passed down from inspired & expanded minds, serves us well. But many more thoughts & beliefs, which we adopt as our own, have evolved from minds plagued with limitation. As young children we drink in those two dualities ....expansion and limitation ......which then become our greatest source of inner confusion. Raising the question 'which is right? should I reach for the moon, or play it safe and do as I'm told?' However, both aspects are incredibly useful to us. 

We cannot know what sweetness 'is', until we've experienced that which is sour.

In school we are offered (tantalisingly) the literature, theories and experimentation of some of the the most extraordinary minds who ever graced this planet...... then in the same breath, it's firmly suggested these 'greats' are unique and this is not what most 'normal' human beings are capable of!!!??? 
With that in mind, I'd like to share with you a moment in my past, over thirty two years ago, when I really began to question the authenticity of authority figures, and their impact and relativity to my world.

I was in my school art class, which I loved and always looked forward to. I was about 14/15 years old and it was a day I shall never under value, as it was the time my art teachers intention was firmly called into question. We were set the task of copying any random picture from a magazine and then enlarging it, free hand, to three times the size. I chose the profile view of a woman's face, being showered with droplets of water, whilst cupping her hands to catch the drops. It was a bit of a stretch for me to reproduce this, but the picture was so free and inspiring, all other images paled in comparison. My teacher wandered around the class to see our choices. When she arrived at my side, she literally laughed and said 'I think you, of all people, should choose something simpler Kerry!'  Humiliating words for any child to hear. Especially as previous teachers had thought my creative efforts as rather good? I felt the irritation rising up inside me, as I made a demonstrative grab for the magazine. Right at that moment, my best friend, Helen, queried what I was doing. I glanced over at her confused expression, as she briefly surveyed my original choice of picture and my thumbing, yet again, through the magazine. I suddenly noticed myself ready to abandon what I really wanted to do, all because of a fear of failure. I closed the magazine, took a breath, and continued setting up my easel.  Lesson after lesson I worked hard on that picture. Doubting myself, questioning my ability, yet defiant my art teacher would not be proved right in her belief that I was indeed, lacking in the talent required for the task. Helen clearly believed in me. Helen had, after all, seen all my sketch books at home. Helen knew what I was capable of .....and that one comforting thought, (which I grabbed hold of as if my life depended on it) allowed me to crack on and just do my best. After a few weeks, in-spite of relentless criticism and gnawing from my teacher, I completed the piece. I was incredibly proud. It had turned out better than I could have hoped. I loved looking at it...as did some of my class mates. My teacher, however, hated it. Oh, everything was wrong with it apparently! She gave me a low mark and advised me to listen to her next time. She smiled, a patronising 'non-smile'. The kind of smile where the persons eyes are as black as coal, and told me not to 'punch above my weight' in future. I was gutted and completely conflicted. Was it really that bad? Why didn't I see all these flaws, as I usually could? Was I deluding myself? 
A week or so later, back in the art room, a maths teacher & history teacher were passing through chatting. It was the end of the day, and I was one of the last to pack up my things. They hovered at a few pieces of work hanging around the room,commenting favourably as they went. Then the history teacher picked out mine. 'Oh I love this, it would look so perfect in my new bathroom!' 
'Oh yes, they're so clever these girls' came the response from the other, and they carried on walking out of the class. 
I was stunned....and rendered immovable for a few heartbeats. I felt happy that another teacher had liked my work, but more than that, I felt a huge sense of relief. I thought about it all the way home and into the evening. I began to truly understand the definitive meaning of art and all aspects of creativity. It cannot be celebrated or condemned, by one person, on behalf of another. Each piece creates such a uniquely personal and emotional experience, everyone's perception of it becomes as individual as a fingerprint. No two people will ever see or feel exactly the same thing. The experience changed me. It taught me to trust my own judgement, in as much as, if it feels or looks good to me, then that has to be enough.

I realised over the years, my infamous art class had become my 'template' of understanding for all manor of circumstances life could (and would) continue to present to me. Relationships especially. We can waste so much time desperate to please others, who are determined to make sure you will never 'please' them, no matter how many hoops you jump through- and to the absolute detriment of your self worth and self belief. Not to mention the hours of anxiety, stress, sleepless nights and fear created in such a vortex of 'neediness'. Whilst others, who have no desire for you to 'please' them, stand calmly along side, fully appreciative of who you naturally are. We get to choose every day which camp we sit in. We get to choose each day what we think, and who we synchronise with. Why waste valuable time & energy on those who cannot 'see' who you are, or your valuable abilities? As the saying goes 'don't stagnate where you're merely tolerated, live where you're celebrated'.

Questioning your own beliefs, in moments of anguish, are of paramount importance. If you come up against opposition, ask yourself 'Is what they're saying really the truth?, true of me? true of the situation?'  If your answer is 'No' ...then ask the next valuable question 'Is what they're saying really only true for them....from their perspective?'  The answer to that is usually 'yes'. If I'd fully believed my art teacher, and not found it in me to see I'd created something beautiful, I wouldn't have questioned her authority. Thank god for Helen in that exact moment, for shifting my focus, allowing me to draw a halt to my compliant mind. How different my knowledge of 'Kerry' would have been, had that not happened. In less than a second, we can be part of an experience which can change our entire perception of self....for a lifetime. She never ever celebrated any of my work, but the difference was, I didn't need her to after that experience. I had the contrast I required to decide for myself. One teacher wanted to hang my work proudly in her bathroom, the other wanted to throw my work in the bin. (Which she did, at the end of term, Charming!) 
There's never only one way to think, one way to feel, one way to behave or one way to do anything. There's only your way. 

And as for those 'great' minds and their literature, their theories and experiments, which we are urged to explore but never encouraged to 'be' in our schools? The one thing uniting them all was a desire to think independently. I shall leave you with two quotes which I hope you will enjoy....

“Everyone is born a genius, but is slowly

'taught' not to be"



“The minute you choose to do what you really

  want to do, it's a different kind of life.” 


Have a wonderful, thoughtful week  x 

 Kerry Lucienne

     

The Secret of Life blog coming soon!

Hi everyone!

Welcome to my blog! I will be sharing with you everything I have learned about human behaviour and what it takes to shatter the deep seated fears which control our lives.

I am currently working on the design, but watch this space! Follow me on Google+ and Bloglovin' and (or) submit your e-mail below to get notified when I update my blog!

See you soon,

       Kerry Lucienne x