Thank God for Helen!

Observe, Question, Decide your own truth

From the moment we are born, we are gradually invited to let go of independent thought. We are asked to think more of the world outside, than of the world within self. We are taught to read, listen, observe and accept the knowledge of our elders, as 'truth' of our own personal reality. Some wisdom passed down from inspired & expanded minds, serves us well. But many more thoughts & beliefs, which we adopt as our own, have evolved from minds plagued with limitation. As young children we drink in those two dualities ....expansion and limitation ......which then become our greatest source of inner confusion. Raising the question 'which is right? should I reach for the moon, or play it safe and do as I'm told?' However, both aspects are incredibly useful to us. 

We cannot know what sweetness 'is', until we've experienced that which is sour.

In school we are offered (tantalisingly) the literature, theories and experimentation of some of the the most extraordinary minds who ever graced this planet...... then in the same breath, it's firmly suggested these 'greats' are unique and this is not what most 'normal' human beings are capable of!!!??? 
With that in mind, I'd like to share with you a moment in my past, over thirty two years ago, when I really began to question the authenticity of authority figures, and their impact and relativity to my world.

I was in my school art class, which I loved and always looked forward to. I was about 14/15 years old and it was a day I shall never under value, as it was the time my art teachers intention was firmly called into question. We were set the task of copying any random picture from a magazine and then enlarging it, free hand, to three times the size. I chose the profile view of a woman's face, being showered with droplets of water, whilst cupping her hands to catch the drops. It was a bit of a stretch for me to reproduce this, but the picture was so free and inspiring, all other images paled in comparison. My teacher wandered around the class to see our choices. When she arrived at my side, she literally laughed and said 'I think you, of all people, should choose something simpler Kerry!'  Humiliating words for any child to hear. Especially as previous teachers had thought my creative efforts as rather good? I felt the irritation rising up inside me, as I made a demonstrative grab for the magazine. Right at that moment, my best friend, Helen, queried what I was doing. I glanced over at her confused expression, as she briefly surveyed my original choice of picture and my thumbing, yet again, through the magazine. I suddenly noticed myself ready to abandon what I really wanted to do, all because of a fear of failure. I closed the magazine, took a breath, and continued setting up my easel.  Lesson after lesson I worked hard on that picture. Doubting myself, questioning my ability, yet defiant my art teacher would not be proved right in her belief that I was indeed, lacking in the talent required for the task. Helen clearly believed in me. Helen had, after all, seen all my sketch books at home. Helen knew what I was capable of .....and that one comforting thought, (which I grabbed hold of as if my life depended on it) allowed me to crack on and just do my best. After a few weeks, in-spite of relentless criticism and gnawing from my teacher, I completed the piece. I was incredibly proud. It had turned out better than I could have hoped. I loved looking at it...as did some of my class mates. My teacher, however, hated it. Oh, everything was wrong with it apparently! She gave me a low mark and advised me to listen to her next time. She smiled, a patronising 'non-smile'. The kind of smile where the persons eyes are as black as coal, and told me not to 'punch above my weight' in future. I was gutted and completely conflicted. Was it really that bad? Why didn't I see all these flaws, as I usually could? Was I deluding myself? 
A week or so later, back in the art room, a maths teacher & history teacher were passing through chatting. It was the end of the day, and I was one of the last to pack up my things. They hovered at a few pieces of work hanging around the room,commenting favourably as they went. Then the history teacher picked out mine. 'Oh I love this, it would look so perfect in my new bathroom!' 
'Oh yes, they're so clever these girls' came the response from the other, and they carried on walking out of the class. 
I was stunned....and rendered immovable for a few heartbeats. I felt happy that another teacher had liked my work, but more than that, I felt a huge sense of relief. I thought about it all the way home and into the evening. I began to truly understand the definitive meaning of art and all aspects of creativity. It cannot be celebrated or condemned, by one person, on behalf of another. Each piece creates such a uniquely personal and emotional experience, everyone's perception of it becomes as individual as a fingerprint. No two people will ever see or feel exactly the same thing. The experience changed me. It taught me to trust my own judgement, in as much as, if it feels or looks good to me, then that has to be enough.

I realised over the years, my infamous art class had become my 'template' of understanding for all manor of circumstances life could (and would) continue to present to me. Relationships especially. We can waste so much time desperate to please others, who are determined to make sure you will never 'please' them, no matter how many hoops you jump through- and to the absolute detriment of your self worth and self belief. Not to mention the hours of anxiety, stress, sleepless nights and fear created in such a vortex of 'neediness'. Whilst others, who have no desire for you to 'please' them, stand calmly along side, fully appreciative of who you naturally are. We get to choose every day which camp we sit in. We get to choose each day what we think, and who we synchronise with. Why waste valuable time & energy on those who cannot 'see' who you are, or your valuable abilities? As the saying goes 'don't stagnate where you're merely tolerated, live where you're celebrated'.

Questioning your own beliefs, in moments of anguish, are of paramount importance. If you come up against opposition, ask yourself 'Is what they're saying really the truth?, true of me? true of the situation?'  If your answer is 'No' ...then ask the next valuable question 'Is what they're saying really only true for them....from their perspective?'  The answer to that is usually 'yes'. If I'd fully believed my art teacher, and not found it in me to see I'd created something beautiful, I wouldn't have questioned her authority. Thank god for Helen in that exact moment, for shifting my focus, allowing me to draw a halt to my compliant mind. How different my knowledge of 'Kerry' would have been, had that not happened. In less than a second, we can be part of an experience which can change our entire perception of self....for a lifetime. She never ever celebrated any of my work, but the difference was, I didn't need her to after that experience. I had the contrast I required to decide for myself. One teacher wanted to hang my work proudly in her bathroom, the other wanted to throw my work in the bin. (Which she did, at the end of term, Charming!) 
There's never only one way to think, one way to feel, one way to behave or one way to do anything. There's only your way. 

And as for those 'great' minds and their literature, their theories and experiments, which we are urged to explore but never encouraged to 'be' in our schools? The one thing uniting them all was a desire to think independently. I shall leave you with two quotes which I hope you will enjoy....

“Everyone is born a genius, but is slowly

'taught' not to be"



“The minute you choose to do what you really

  want to do, it's a different kind of life.” 


Have a wonderful, thoughtful week  x 

 Kerry Lucienne